If you have read any of my other material on my ayahuasca ceremonies, then you already know that I have had profound ceremonies that already changed the core of my energetic workup. That being said, this particular ceremony was about my individual healing on a level that I have never experienced. This ceremony was so difficult for me because I had to go back and face some really hard times in my life. I am going to disclose some information that I was not ready to tell people when I came back from Peru. This is about some things that have happened in my life, and how this ceremony made me look at them so I could release the pain and quantum jump, if you will, into a different healed version of that person. That person at the core needed help and didn't know how to ask ~ or didn't know he could ask.
This was my 8th ayahuasca session and my intention this time was "what do I need to see to have ultimate healing." At this point, I was in the Peruvian jungle for about 28 days. I lived in a hut alone and had only 4 more days until my completion of the plant dieta. During the end of my time in Peru I was very sensitive to energy and could literally feel everything. I also did a 9 day water detox to connect with myself even more spirituality and I was just ending that fast. When I went into my 8th session, I was very clean energetically and physicality so my ceremony seemed to be on a much deeper level then before. I worked with plants everyday and drank powerful plant medicine based on the shamans recommendations for me, and at this point I could literally feel the plants consciousness working through me. I now have a new sense of being and I owe that all to the plants I ate, drink and did ceremony with.
I say all these things as a precursor because ultimately I was shown how to help heal my clients based on my own healing. I was shown a process in which I can do exactly what was done to me with people who are struggling with themselves like I was, without them having to use ayahuasca or spend a month in the jungle - this is why I went. This work was so important to me and my healing practice because now, with clear vision, I know like I know like I know how to help people on a deeper level and that in itself is the main reason I came to Peru and did all this soul work.
Again, this ceremony started like all the others. The Shaman arrived and got his space ready and I was anxiously waiting my turn to drink the brew. When it was my turn to drink the brew I sat in front of Rashinika and felt immense gratitude, so much in fact that I started crying. I already knew this session would be different, almost like all the other sessions led me to this point.
The shaman did his thing with the brew and I set my intentions before I drank it. I went back to my mat in the maloka and quietly waited for the typical systems to occur in the beginning. Usually, I purge for the first hour but this time was very different. After about 45 min or so I didn't purge but I had the feeling like I had to but nothing came up. I think at this point I have purged so much that my body was over it so to speak.
After about an hour the shaman is singing his icuros and I am feeling very flighty. I start to hear the sound of the universe and I start to see very clear images of sacred geometry. Im not feeling terrible but Im having a feeling of stillness and excitement.
This time the shaman called me up first to sit in front of him. I slowly crawl to him because I can no longer walk and I position myself in front of him with the help of the coordinator because it's so dark I can't see anything. I immediately feel my head light up like a Christmas tree as he is working energetically on me. I also feel a little sick but not as bad as my previous ceremonies. The Shaman does this thing with me that was different this time, he started to touch and pull things out of me. This was such a weird feeling and I can't even explain it. After about 20 minutes of this, I was escorted back to my mat by the coordinator Ash.
After crawling back ti my mat, this is where things really start to change for me. During the time I was with the Shaman I felt pretty good and was having what I would call a spiritual download. However, at this time I was not feeling the best, I don't mean physically I mean energetically. I was reminded of my intention and as soon as I thought of it I was shown like a movie in front of me as if it was holographic, the day my mom died. My mom died of cancer and her death left an emotional impact on me in which I never talk about in its entirety. I immediately turned my head the other way as if to tell myself and spirit that I do not want to be reminded of that day. Now, this is where things get interesting, as soon as I turned my head I literally felt someone touch my face and make me look at this movie in which I did not want to see. I was quite scared to be honest. How does energy grab my face and physically make my head turn. So many things were going through my head at this time it was hard to concentrate on the view of my moms last day on earth.
Things settled down a bit it was like the movie I was seeing was on pause while I gathered my shit - it started to play again. This experience is hard to explain but this movie was all around me, there was no escaping it now and I had to allow it to happen otherwise I feel I would have had a bad experience. I was so sensitive energetically at this point so I was feeling things more deeply then I have ever before. It’s as if I was actually there, but in a different dimension looking in.
As I am watching the so called movie, I see my mom in her hospital bed in the living room of our home. I then saw me sleeping in the next room as if this was the beginning of the scene. As the movie played out I heard my mom scream. This happened over 16 years ago, however, when watching it back I could smell the house and see all the details around me. I even tried to reach out and touch a pool stick that was laying next to me for some reason, I was sleeping in the pool room which was the addition to the house. I was amazed at the accuracy in what I was seeing and all the things that I forgot.
I saw me hearing my mom scream and I quickly went to her bedside and discovered that she was laying in a pool of blood. During the night, I am not sure what happened but it seems like a tumor or two bursted. Also, during the night my mom had thrown up her pain medication so she was going through this with no help from any drugs.
In this holographic vision that I was seeing all around me in a 3D sort of virtual reality, I carefully helped my mom out of the bed as she is screaming in pain. As we slowly walked to the bathroom, which was right next door, I felt my body crying as I lay on the floor in this ceremonial space. i wasn’t only crying tears, I was crying out of my pours through sweat of that even makes sense. It was a full body cry, literally.
I get my mom into the bathroom and I grab her shoulders and she faces me. She gives me this look til this day gives me chills up and down my spine. I didn’t understand the significance of this look until this very moment in ceremony. I saw all my mom's pain in this look. During this time I subconsciously told my mom to give me all of her pain. I wanted all if it, her ancestral pain, her physical pain - all of it. At this time I felt it all. I felt her pain and the love that she didn't receive throughout her life. I saw her abuses and how she was treated as a younger person and I felt them to my core and took them in. I saw physical abuse that I was not expecting to see. At this time its like her heart opened up and a black cloud came out of her heart and went into mine.
When all this was happening for some reason I looked around and noticed the specific details in the bathroom that I had forgot for over 16 years. Time seemed to stand still as I took in the ugly grout that was pealing in-between the tiles, the dial hand soap on the peach colored sink and the misaligned joints from the cabinets as they were hand made. I took in the smell and the way my mom smelled, it was a new smell that I have never noticed before and I later found out it was the smell of death, like decaying meat.
As my mother was giving me all of her shit my heart opened up and I accepted it all. I accepted it so she could have a clearer light body, I accepted it because I wanted her soul to be at peace, I accepted it because I felt I had no other choice.
I was then shown my life of struggle and why I did the things I did. I choose to be alone all these years because I didn't want to open my heart and give all this pain to someone else. I felt my heart had a lock on it and my mother just gave me the key. I was looking for all these years to somehow get rid of this pain through drugs, food and toxic relationships.
I was back in the moment again when I took my mother to her bed and she was still in pain but in a different way, I understand all of it now. My mother them spoke to me, but I couldn't see her and she said that I made the ultimate sacrifice for her and that she loved me but she didn't know how to show love in her human experience in way that I needed.
Then, just like like that, the holographic screen I was looking at ended. I sat in the ceremony space for the next 2 hours listening to the high vibrational music from the shaman. During this time other healing happened but that's another story for another day.
During my last ayahuasca session, the shaman spent an hour with me in ceremony and pulled out all the stuff my mom gave me and I screamed and cried and purged. It felt as if the shaman was opening my chest with a metal bracket and pulling out all that trauma and I felt it before it left my body. It was the most intense energetic cleansing I have ever had and afterwards felt like I was 10 years younger.
I understand now why ayahuasca is illegal in the states because I did 20 years of healing in 9 sessions. I don't think the FDA would be down for all this healing to be honest and maybe, just maybe the world world change because of what I have experienced.